the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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