so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
