My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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