So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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