My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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