i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
