you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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