I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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