Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
