there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
