I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
