I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize