I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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