rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
