Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
