I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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