My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
