Swine flu. Run for my life!
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
