My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
