i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
