party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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