I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
