i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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