You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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