where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize