I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
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The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
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I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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