This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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