Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
