the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
