i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
