where am i from again
time to smoke my breakfast
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants