Small penises have feelings too.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
