Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."

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(630): View more from Illinois

it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.

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(618): View more from Illinois

I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?

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(623): View more from Arizona

I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.

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25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
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(319): View more from Iowa

I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women

(319): View more from Iowa

I wish I had your problem

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(919): View more from North Carolina

we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.

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(831): View more from California

No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.

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(928): View more from Arizona

How does one un superglue their foot to the floor

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