What should our trivia night team be named?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.