Texts From Last Night

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  (480): View more from Arizona

  allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed

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  (480): allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed http://tfl.nu/9co8
  Replies (14) Good night (1197) Bad night (709)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  How was last night?

  (334): View more from Alabama

  She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.

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  (251): How was last night? (334): She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast. http://tfl.nu/qxti
  Replies (2) Good night (620) Bad night (2250)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.

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  (925): If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying. http://tfl.nu/0bns
  Replies (22) Good night (3078) Bad night (835)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances

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  (407): He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances http://tfl.nu/rv67
  Replies (50) Good night (809) Bad night (3991)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara

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  (740): hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara http://tfl.nu/38gp
  Replies (14) Good night (781) Bad night (5346)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?

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  (301): I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun? http://tfl.nu/ilq6
  Replies (3) Good night (2850) Bad night (1177)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.

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  (715): Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam. http://tfl.nu/fk8j
  Replies (4) Good night (3635) Bad night (941)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend

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  (918): He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend http://tfl.nu/82q6
  Replies (5) Good night (2706) Bad night (814)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.

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  (386): Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here. http://tfl.nu/vy2d
  Replies (6) Good night (2041) Bad night (794)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner

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  (954): and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner http://tfl.nu/ab93
  Replies (15) Good night (1404) Bad night (973)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.

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  (540): I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking. http://tfl.nu/c4hu
  Replies (0) Good night (861) Bad night (429)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  YES.

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  (513): People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join? (1-513): YES. http://tfl.nu/e51l
  Replies (3) Good night (1400) Bad night (401)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup

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  (919): I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup http://tfl.nu/nvuh
  Replies (2) Good night (437) Bad night (261)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts

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  (530): as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts http://tfl.nu/n21e
  Replies (3) Good night (891) Bad night (285)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.

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  (419): Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people. http://tfl.nu/d5z4
  Replies (1) Good night (517) Bad night (282)

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