hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my computer doesn't work...
i puked on it last night
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?