That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying