I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
