I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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