One girl and one boy is just not enough.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
