I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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