Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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