So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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