The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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