I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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