grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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