im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
