i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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