you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
