And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
