I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Michael Bay diarrhea
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
