I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
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