Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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