Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
