I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
