i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
