Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He felt like a one man threesome
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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