every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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