Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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