Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
