it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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