um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
