i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
