just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
