No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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