Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
