Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
a search helicopter?!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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