I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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