i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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