My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize