I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
