If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
