Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
