I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
