so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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