I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
