Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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