she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
