I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
