I skipped work to stalk him.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
