The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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