I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
