What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
