He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
