Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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