just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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