i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm getting married
To pizza
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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