he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
